


Hurts

by Alargebee



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Historical Hetalia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:13:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28426836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alargebee/pseuds/Alargebee
Summary: Lithuania had never missed someone before he met Poland.This is a companion piece to my other fic Dancing with Tears in my Eyes. The timelines match up but they can both be read independently.
Relationships: Lithuania/Poland (Hetalia), Platonic Belarus and Lithuania
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Hurts

Lithuania had never missed someone before.

Truth be told, he had never been close enough to someone to really miss them. Sometimes he wanted to visit his brothers, but it never hurt for him to be alone. He never thought he would miss anyone, especially not someone who had hurt him so badly.

So why did he miss Poland?

Perhaps it was his personality. Nobody he had ever met had possessed such colourful character, had such a contrasting array of emotions. Poland was incredibly scared to talk to anyone except his own people, even a bit anxious then. But once he had warmed up to Lithuania, he could be obnoxious, crazy, and- God forbid- charming. And he could be tiring, stubborn, and rude as well. But above all of that- he was captivating, the kind of person you just couldn’t look away from because whatever they did, they always did it with such passion and vibrance that they were the very ambiance of anywhere they were. Poland never seemed to understand the effect he had on Lithuania- the emotions it gave him. Awe, slight jealousy, and wonder.

Perhaps it was their relationship. Both Poland and Lithuania had been fairly removed from the going-ons of Europe- the slight interactions with Hungary and the other northerners, but not much. Both of them had been so blissfully alone before the arrangement of the marriage, of their union. But after, that changed. Both of them had a friend whom they could rely on, relate to, and understand. They were both able to open up in ways that they hadn’t been before, and having a friend who could live forever also helped them cope with the losses that hit every nation, from nations like Latvia to Germany hard. They were each other’s first friends.

Perhaps it was trust.

Lithuania had always had slight issues with loyalty. He tried not to get very emotionally attached, but it almost never worked because it just wasn't in his nature. He simply couldn't be heartless. And when someone like Poland came, someone whom he could trust with his life- self control be damned. He couldn't help it. He poured out his soul to Poland, because Poland was the first person to ever make him feel important.

But they had ruined that.

Near the end of the commonwealth, they both felt the decline of the economy. They felt the political power failing, and decided together that it would be best for them to end it. So they signed the first European coded constitution, the second one in the world after the famous American one. They ended their partnership, in which they had both grown so much more than they had originally planned.

And, Lithuania thought too much.

Having Hungary as a friend didn’t help much, either. Sure, he could go to Poland for advice on almost anything, but only one person could help with people advice. And that was Hungary, a girl who loved to see others happy, no matter the toll it took on her. She was most notorious for believing in the power of love above all else, even though those who knew her never knew her to have romantic feelings for anyone. And Lithuania needed a friend he could talk to without bringing up something that they both didn't want to discuss.

"Isn't it obvious, Litvánia?" She had said, her eyes sparkling. "You're in love. You're upset with yourself because you don't see him anymore." While Lithuania struggled to comprehend this, she kissed his forehead and gave him a hug. "It might help you to tell him."

Lithuania left her more confused than he had ever been.

The more he thought about the possibility of romantic feelings, the more confused he got. It often led to long nights, writing various letters in admittedly very bad polish, and getting so frustrated with himself he'd scream. And the more he thought about Poland, the more he wanted to be with him, to run his fingers through his hair and just be close, like they used to. But Poland wasn't there.

Lithuania stored the letters in a small space beneath his floorboards, with a sword that he Poland would spar with, and various other objects that reminded him most of their commonwealth's zenith. It helped somewhat, even if it was a little strange. And on the nights when he wasn't writing, he would lay awake in bed, wondering how things would have worked out.

Another problem there was his faith. Lithuania was a catholic, he never doubted it. But his feelings for Poland went against his faith. But after months of trying to deny it, he was tired. He wanted to love Poland, and to love God as well.

So he started reading.

He read the bible cover to cover in four days, making notes (on a separate piece of paper) and finally found a verse; 1 Peter, 4:8.  _ “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”  _ It was virtually meaningless to him before, but now he felt differently.

That night, he slept peacefully once again.

He and Poland were still friends, sometimes helping each other with various things, but they didn’t live together anymore. 

Like The Great War.

The Russian Empire expanded, taking more and more of Lithuania’s land, and soon, there was almost nothing left for him. He began to sympathise with Belarus, whom he hadn’t really ever known before, a county that had been entirely taken by the empire. Poland was being taken too, and they had to surrender. Lithuania hated the fact that he wasn’t an independent country anymore, but he was also a little excited to be in the same place as Poland again. More than a little. When he first heard that Poland was arriving, he left his room and ran down the stairs of the Moscow mansion, smiling for the first time in almost a year.

He wasn’t prepared for what he saw.

Poland was covered in bruises and bandages, more than Lithuania had been when he had arrived. He was skinny and bony and his eyes were empty and dull. He didn’t even look up at Lithuania when he had called his name.

He ran forward and buried his face in Lithuania’s collarbone.

Lithuania was too shocked to do anything, and Poland just started sobbing, the kind of crying that makes someone look terrible for hours. Poland, someone who had always cared about how he was perceived by others, had a full breakdown in a place where every other country in the Russian empire could have seen him.

After a while, he calmed down a little bit and Lithuania took him upstairs to his room and let him sleep on his bed while he treated his wounds. He spent most of that night awake, staring at Poland as he slept with his blotchy face and stubborn frown, wondering what they could have been if they hadn’t broken off the commonwealth. Maybe then they would have been able to defeat Russia, maybe then Poland could have been the Phoenix of Europe he was so proud to be.

Lithuania was partially grateful for the war and for the Empire, because he didn’t have to fight and watch his troops die around him. The throbbing headaches of Russian troops crossing his land were preferable to the pain of watching people you had known since their birth, who had lives and cultures and traditions and who kept you alive die in an instant in front of you. Also, the empire kept him closer to Poland than they had been since the end of the commonwealth. They spent all the time they could together, Lithuania sometimes trying to talk to the other countries in the mansion, but Poland always hanging back. He was very shy, and Lithuania was okay with that.

The best thing Lithuania liked about the Great war was having Poland back by his side. That way, he could take care of him. He made sure Poland wasn’t avoiding eating, talked to him when he felt sad, helped him feel better about himself until it was almost like it had been.

When the empire collapsed, Poland and Lithuania were free again. Poland was so excited he danced, to which Lithuania was not surprised. Poland had always loved to dance, and he made Lithuania do it sometimes, even though he had no balance or sense of rhythm compared to Poland. But when the war ended, Poland pulled him into a dance and helped him stumble through it, laughing. He had only one thought throughout that day, as they wandered around their border, just being near each other and being free.

_ This is what love is. _

But something changed. Lithuania didn’t know what he had done to offend Poland. Maybe Poland found out about his feelings and couldn’t take it. Maybe Poland was just broken from Russian occupation.

Maybe Poland had never liked him at all.

But Lithuania had gone to live with America briefly, to work for money. He trusted Poland to look after his land, like he had trusted him so many times before. He was doing alright in America's home, making some money to help his struggling economy recover from the Russian rule.

And then, he attacked again.

Russia decided to take back his favourite, he went through Latvia and Estonia first. Lithuania panicked, because not only was his country being attacked, but Poland was in danger. So he raced back home to defend his friend.

When he got there, he found that his friend had taken Vilnius from him.

Lithuania had felt his heart being smashed into a thousand pieces. His friend had abused his trust and taken his capital city. And he was outraged.

He fought Poland for about a year, crying every night. He couldn't believe the only best friend he had ever had wasn't really a best friend at all. He hated him and was probably laughing at his stupidity.

The hardest part was that Poland seemed innocent. Every time they met, Poland would plead that it wasn't his fault, that his army had taken the city against his will, that he still cared about Lithuania.

But Lithuania wasn’t going to hear it.

He won Vilnius back, refusing to believe it was because Poland had been suspiciously noncommittal to the fight. He fought, trying to make himself hate Poland for everything he had ever done to him. But no matter what he did, no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t hate him.

So he hated himself.

Lithuania couldn’t fight two armies for very long, and soon he was taken by the Soviet Union, dejected and utterly hopeless. Poland had been terrible to him.

But he still missed him.

Since his integration into the Soviet Union, he had found a friend in Russia’s younger sister, but it wasn’t the same. The best thing about Belarus is that she understood him, and she was so easy to talk to. A girl he had always known to be reserved was suddenly ranting to him at midnight about her hatred of the way her brother was acting, how she missed what they used to be. He told her all about his confusion, almost the way he used to talk with Poland. It was different, though. Belarus was very blunt and could be rude, but she wasn’t jumping around the truth. She told everything exactly as it was, no sugarcoating. Poland had always been very opinionated when he spoke, very passionate, but never trying to hurt anyone for no good reason. Lithuania liked being around Belarus- she was a different kind of friend, and it was good to have someone to talk to who wasn’t totally kissing Russia’s feet.

Then, Russia became aware.

He immediately decided to torture the two of them even more by declaring their love for each other. Lithuania freaked out, but was a little relieved that it was the worst Russia could do at the moment. If he thought Lithuania was in love with Belarus, he couldn't hurt his own sister.

Poland was a different story.

Belarus hadn't ever been exposed to this kind of thing, and to her it was absolutely horrible. She didn't make eye contact anymore because she felt so uncomfortable. Lithuania hadn't known this at first, but had once awoken to her sobbing at three in the morning because of the strain.

He missed Poland even more. 

When he saw him in Vilnius, saw those big green eyes that he’d waxed poetic about in his letters, he’d almost wanted to go back to him. To hold him in his arms and just cry, forgive him for everything that he’d ever blamed him for. He knew if he let himself, he’d go back to being a pushover, letting himself be used and he wouldn’t say anything because it was a necessary trade to be with the one he loved. 

But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t let Poland get hurt.

That was the problem with the both of them, he supposed. They were both so fragile, too scared to go out of themselves and desperate to hold on to what they had. And as much as it hurt him, Lithuania knew the only way he could keep Poland safe was to be away from him.

He heard from Russia absently at breakfast one morning that Poland had gone to America. He’d feigned disinterest, even laughed at the insinuation that Russia made that he wouldn’t last much longer. Afterwards he’d gone and cried in the attic, long, hiccupy sobs that wracked his body for hours. But he was safe.

The only way Poland could be safe is if they were apart.

But no amount of rationalisation would ever make him the hurt of missing him go away.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in 2015, when there was somewhat of a dearth of lietpol fanfiction that categorized the both of them in the way I liked. I have a soft spot for these characters, and since hetalia seems to be coming back I thought I'd publish this. Thank you for reading!


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